He already sees and touches the Lord

The latest BBC report on John Paul's last hours moved me deeply - and the heading for this post is a comment by one of the Cardinals (...I am a bit sleepy, and cannot recall all of the sources.) And here I am, sitting the vigil, waiting for the Vatican to confirm that John Paul has passed from this life.

I do believe he may already see 'into the next room' - the screen between the two, as it were, can be a thin one, and I can remember other dying souls who could already see departed loved ones or have a sense of encountering God himself. (Somehow, I am reminded of how I cried when I read of how, in Queen Victoria's last moments of life, she looked up with joy and cried out to Albert.) I am very glad that John Paul is at home, not in hospital, so that his life can close surrounded by people who love him and are supporting him in prayer. My memory makes me picture Saint Peter's Square, and I do so wish that I could be in Rome now.

I have been in the pope's company four times. I remember, smiling, when an archbishop arranged for me to have a papal audience - and I sat directly behind the Spanish royalty. The reason I must laugh is that I had to pick up the tickets at Via de Umilta, then (not being royalty of any kind...) catch a bus. Now, in Rome, surely the sight of one in 'papal visit' clothes is not strange - but I knew the entire bus was giggling, because my attire was not as common - my being 'a white' rather than 'a black.' No woman that age (I was 40 or so) would advertise she never got off the shelf, so the white garments meant a religious commitment... and one not highly valued in a land which believes one is giving up the chief pleasure of life. :)

Yes, this post has little value. With much of the world, I am sitting quietly, checking Internet news sites, waiting for news of John Paul's death. I want to sing a Te Deum at the news - to express both my joy in the glory to which this great man is going, and in thanksgiving for how he has enriched Christ's Church. I well remember the chaos of the Church in 1978! Paul VI was a great man, perhaps a saint, yet I wondered if he had a great idealism (as do I) - and never could have expected the messes that came forth from some of the changes (positive though they may be in theory.) Karol Wojtyla would have had no illusions - he was brilliant, but a down to earth peasant - and one who had all too much inside knowledge of totalitarian regimes. Many think of him as 'rigid' (where I found him very pastoral), but they fail to see the positive changes in these past 26 years. Ecumenism, a constant plea for peace in a world of violence, the collapse of the Soviet bloc ... well, the media will carry many complaints and many tributes. But my enormous respect for John Paul is through an admiration for his integrity.

It does not matter that there are some areas where John Paul and I disagree. His integrity was a light to the world - and in an age where many of us, myself included, sometimes worry so about being inclusive that we cannot see that this can appear to be a moral compromise. He valued life, peace, human dignity. He reached out to all of Christ's church - not only our Christian sister churches, but our brothers and sisters whose paths to God have not been in recognition of Jesus' Lordship - and this despite severe criticism.

I believe that John Paul has chosen to die with dignity and serenity. He gave Death a run for his money, indeed - but, when the end did come, il Papa seems to have shown resignation. I am hoping that his persistence during this past year - when it made me wince to see how he had deteriorated - will remind people of the value of the lives of the ill and elderly. Perhaps some of the aged, who are ashamed and distressed by what they see as the indignity of their declining health and strength, will see this persistence as an icon of courage and trust.

It is shortly after 1 o'clock in Rome, I believe. Perhaps John Paul has already gone to the Master... I must check. Dear brother, may the angels lead you into paradise. May the martyrs come to welcome you, and take you to the Holy City, the new and eternal Jerusalem where Lazarus is poor no longer. May you have eternal rest (and rise in glory.) Juravit dominum et non poenitebit eum - tu es sacerdos in aeternum secundum ordinem Melchisidec.

I shall borrow the words of Francis of Assisi - Welcome, Sister Death!