Mars and Venus balderdash

No, I'm not going to reminisce about the 1970s astrology craze today - were I to do so, I'd be concentrating on Saturn, my own ruling planet. :) Have you ever had a time when you were waiting somewhere unexpectedly and, having no other occupations at hand, picked up the only reading material available? Well, such a thing happened to me - and the rubbish I looked into was "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus."

I'm no authority on human relationships but, if anything, such nonsense could worsen communications, given that it allows one to hide behind "but I'm this way because of my planetary origin." Yet I could understand why it sold, and not only because there never is a shortage of bad taste. The author glorifies the worst traits which are prevalent in some women. (Note that I am not suggesting, as Gray does, that one may classify people's approaches, on sight, according to sex. I said some women.) Gray glosses over meddling, canned responses given by picking up on a 'key word' and finishing the other's sentences, the ego games that superior women play when they are ready to crucify others with supposed 'advice.' No, this is instinctive empathy (how interesting - "I" can know exactly what your situation is just because we are of the same sex), and the nagging games are "loving constructive criticism."

I have never referred to myself as a feminist. During the 1970s, when I first began to pursue the religious life, I sadly saw all too many instances of what one sociologist (whose name escapes me) called "gender feminism." It was built on bitterness which went beyond truth. Working on the premise that women were oppressed through the ages (and a medievalist is no stranger to misogynist works), all men, today, are the enemy. Women, by contrast, are all perfect and 'supportive.' Religious Sisters, for example, could not admit that certain problems in their lives had been caused by their own superiors. Sisterhood of another sort, and based on common anger (those who were not angry were unenlightened) was de riguer. Wrongs we suffered from other women did not count - after all, the men made the rules in the first place.

Some time, I undoubtedly will muse over how, if anyone in my large family was oppressed, it was more likely to be a male. Women in my family were well-treated, and I never cried over my sex, wishing that I could have to get up at 3:00 AM to do inventory or work endless hours, often seven days a week, stocking shelves in a grocery store. Yet I shall confess to some bitterness of my own. I received my first university degree over 27 years ago, and have obtained higher degrees since. Sadly, one thing has not changed in three decades. Most people assume that women (at least who work in offices) cannot possibly be anything but clerical or secretarial workers, and that, if a woman has a managerial title, it's only that given to a glorified secretary.

My true profession is as a scholar and musician. The years I spent in business management were purely for survival - it is not an area in which I have any real interest, and it is one I grew to truly hate. Since it was not important to me, and indeed kept me from areas in which I genuinely could have made a marked contribution, I rarely talked of the job. Yet there was no denying my competence. Nonetheless, despite the doctoral diploma on my wall, the moment a vendor or other visitor arrived the very image of someone in a skirt led to inevitable questions about who s/he really needed to see - who was the 'decision maker'? After all, it could not possibly be a woman!

A few years ago, I had a job loss. Anyone who heard of it - even people who knew me for decades and were aware of my education and the like - suggested referrals to agencies which place clerical staff. They'd 'encourage' me by saying I knew how to use Microsoft Word! (So do most children of 10.) It tore my heart that nearly everyone assumed I was a clerk, secretary, or bookkeeper. It is not that I consider those professions to be shameful. My upset was that the assumption was that I could be nothing else. I was appalled and shocked when someone I've known since childhood suggested that she could get me a job sending out form letters! (And she is just the one who would have been irate had anyone offered such a job to her or to her children.)

For a time, I was troubled - what is wrong with me? Yet I realised that the assumption was understandable and deplorable. The only reason that I can imagine that anyone would think someone with four degrees and over 20 years in management was a clerical worker is that I am female. When I was in business management, if anyone asked what my occupation was, and I replied, the usual next question was "so you're a secretary at ...?" or "so what are you - a secretary bookkeeper?"

I doubt I'll live to see the say when, at least professionally, women are not assumed to be inferior on sight. And the 'empathetic' busybodies, with their 'constructive criticism' such as Gray describes can be the worst of all. Those who assumed I was not the 'decision maker,' and the condescending bitch who thought I should be content to send out form letters, normally were women.

Much of my education came from Dominican Sisters - highly educated, often brilliant women, who had qualifications in many different fields. (This was so in the early 20th century - not only during the time when I knew them.) I often have wondered why nuns are assumed to be simple-minded little souls - that assuredly was not true of those whom I knew. But, of course, they were women...

This post is totally out of character for me - but I decided to include it nonetheless. If one person who reads it realises what a fool he or she has been to assume women, as a rule, are not professionally competent, it will be worth the effort.