This question, for which I have no answer, occurred to me today when I was studying moral theology (one of the subjects I am finally pursuing in greater depth.) In reading one of Bernard Haring's works on the subject of truth, I noticed his explanations of various grave sins against charity and justice. In one section, I was surprised (most of you will never believe this, since I'm not exactly a youngster, and I think most people know this by age 10... so much for idealism) when he referred to tale bearing - where one employs calumny or detraction specifically intending to destroy the bond of peace and love which exists between friends (or others whom one loves.) Not that I had never witnessed tale bearing - I haven't been that cloistered! But what surprised me was that Haring mentioned how, though this in no way minimises the gravity of such an action, those who are tale bearers normally have the motive of replacing the other (whom they have slandered) in his friend's affections.
It occurred to me that I have seen this happen - many times. What strikes me as so confusing is that the motive of replacing the other in affections often works! I've never understood why. Certainly, I would think that, were someone to trash another to me, especially someone I loved, I would want no part of the likes of her. I'd also be wary of anyone with this tendency, because even I am not so naive as to know that she's probably be trashing everyone, including me, along the way. Still, tale bearers whom I have known often are quite popular, sometimes surrounded by the former friends of people whom they have trashed.
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