A few jokes for St Patrick's Day

Best that you look here if you wish serious information about Patrick, inspiring as he is. But today I'm remembering my good friend Tom (who died in 1993) - a son of Kerry and Franciscan priest - by recording a few of his favourite jokes.

While in the pub with some cronies, Mike raised a toast: "To the best years of my life, spent between the legs of my wife." Later, Mike felt a bit sheepish about what he'd said, and though he told wife Katie that he'd remembered her, Mike said he'd raised the glass with, "To the best years of my life, spent in church beside my wife."

Next day, one of Katie's friends, who'd learnt of the toast from her own husband, congratulated Katie on the way Mike had complimented her. "Aye, and I wish it were true," sighed Katie, "But really it only happened twice - one before we got married, and once after. And the second time I had to wake him up when it was all over."

---

Paddy and Brigid, having kept company for 30 years, decided it was time to marry. When Paddy consulted his pastor about the ceremony, he admitted that he found many of the liturgical changes confusing and troublesome.

"Well, you can have the old rite if you wish, Pat, but it's so cold and informal. Now, with the new rite, there is warmth and love and real participation! So, were I in your place, I would take the new one." Ever obedient to the clergy, Paddy agreed.

On the day of the wedding, Paddy was driving to church alone when he got a flat tyre. Paddy removed his collar, tie, and jacket, rolled his trouser legs to the knees, and fixed the tyre. By then he was late, and, fearing Brigid would think he'd stood her up after 3 decades, he panicked a bit. Though Paddy remembered to adjust the rest of his clothing, he did not realise that his trouser legs were still rolled.

As he entered the church, quite breathless, the Monsignor, noticing Paddy's disarray, called to him, "Paddy! Pull down your trousers now!"

The indignant Paddy called back, "Father, I'll take the old rite!"

---

"Have you seen Mulligan lately, Jim?"
"Well, I have and I haven't."
"How's that you say?"
"On Thursday, I saw a chap I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap he thought was me. But, when we got to each other, it was neither of us."

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Blessings to all for the feast of Saint Patrick.